To work, or not to work...that is the question!

I know, I know... I am LONG overdue for a new post!

My parents have Aly tonight, so I have some quiet time now. You would think my husband and I would be out doing something fun (or staying IN doing 'something fun'...lol), but no... my husband has fallen fast asleep on the couch. *Sigh* I was looking forward to going in our hot tub tonight, but that didn't happen...so what better thing to do than get on here and post, right?!

OH...get this. Before and during my pregnancy, I went on a website called Fertility Friend. Some of you might be familiar with it? Anyway, I was reading some of the message boards tonight and one of the June mommies is pregnant AGAIN!She just found out! Her child is only a few weeks older than Alyson. She's very excited about it though. She was even on birth control and it still happened, but she said "It must have been God's will." I agree! That's just one great big reminder that these things happen all in God's time, regardless of what we might be doing to cause OR prevent it.

I just don't know WHAT I'd do if I got pregnant again this soon. I can't even think about that yet. I mean, I definitely want another child (or two), but I keep telling people, "I want Aly to be walking, talking, feeding herself, potty trained, and able to help Mommy out!" LOL. Ultimately I'd like to wait a few years, but we'll see. This girl's getting on some BC ASAP! :-P I'm discussing such things with my OB on Tuesday...yay!

I have what SHOULD have been my 6 week post-partum checkup on Tuesday, though technically I'm already 8 weeks PP. Things have just been pretty hectic lately, not to mention (TMI alert...) I wouldn't stop bleeding! I was waiting for things to stop so I wouldn't feel so 'yucky' at my appointment. The bleeding wasn't anything major, but enough to annoy me because I felt like I was on some huge gigundo monster of a period for 7 weeks. And not to mention, I HATE pads! LOL.

Ok... new subject. I'm sure you don't want to hear about bleeding and pads. Blech.

Anywho...

I have about 3 weeks left of leave, then it's back to work for this chick. My clinical manager called me last week and asked if I was coming back full time/part time/etc, and WHEN I was planning on coming back. I used 2 weeks of maternity leave back in December when I was spotting, so I had 10 left, which puts me back to work the week of September 2nd, so that's what I told her.

I successfully talked my husband into letting me go back PRN(as needed)---YAY!--- so I am starting back 1 day a week for the first schedule, then we'll take it from there. Unfortunately due to the babysitting situation, I am still going to do nights, but only 11pm-7am instead of 7pm-7am. I figure that way, I'll have Alyson pretty much settled down for the night before I leave for work, and Russ might only have to wake up once with her for a feeding.

I'm just kinda worried about this whole 'back to work' thing. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a great dad, but I'm just worried about him being all alone with Alyson! Basically I've been doing everything, since he's now become the sole breadwinner in the family for the time being. He's had majorly long days lately, leaving the house at 6am and getting home in the evenings, usually 6pm. When he gets home, we eat dinner, then he heads down to his office to return phone calls and do paperwork. By the time he gets back upstairs, it's 9pm or so, and he's getting tired. He'll hold Aly for awhile, then falls asleep shortly after that. I guess I just get irritated sometimes because I wish he could help me out a little more... like on days when he gets home early, it would be nice if he'd feed her for me, or change her, or what not. If he does something, it's because I ASK him to. He can tell I get irritated because sometimes I'll just need a BREAK, so I'll hand her to him and say "Here, why don't you hold your daughter for awhile?!" I don't mean to get crappy with him, but it bugs me sometimes. We were talking the other night and basically he just told me, "I don't know what to do with a baby!" He was talking to ALy and said, "Daddy's scared of you! You're so little! When you get bigger daddy will take you everywhere, but for now he doesn't know what to do with you." *sigh*

So this is what worries me. My husband, who admits he is scared of taking care of a baby, who won't change a diaper unless he KNOWS it's only pee, who can't stand the crying....is going to be taking care of our child ALL BY HIMSELF, ALL NIGHT. I asked him, "What are you going to do if she poops and you HAVE to clean her up?" and he joked and said, "I'll just bring her to the hospital and you can do it." I then said, "So....uh... what if she starts crying? What are you gonna do?" and he said, "I guess I'll just have to deal with it." Ugh.

Like I said, don't get me wrong... he's a great daddy and a very responsible person... I don't want to make it seem like he's a horrible dad who wants nothing to do with our child. I'm just being a worrywort mommy because I've been the one caring for Aly basically 24-7. I'm just worried that he's going to fall asleep and not hear her crying or something. I've thought of it all. LOL.

This whole "work situation" has been the main topic of our conversation during my maternity leave due to the above said things. Russ wants me working at least 2 12-hour days per week, and I just don't see how that's going to happen right now. So, as a test.... (evil laugh), I picked weekdays for the nights I'm working, just so he can TRULY experience what it's like to have me back at work. For any of you who don't know or remember, my husband owns his own business. One of the perks? He can make his own hours. The downside? If something happens and he's the only one who can take care of it, he has to leave asap. During the weekdays, he leaves the house anywhere between 6-7am (7am if he accidentally sleeps in.) The problem? When I work, I don't get home until AT LEAST 7:45am. So if he has to go down to the garage and get his guys started for the day (let them know what jobs they are doing, etc), he's going to have the baby, so he'll either have to take her wherever he goes or wait until I get home.

I purposely picked weekdays so he'll know what the situation is going to be like, and just so he can't--for lack of better words-- "shove Alyson off on our parents." He hasn't participated much in her care, and he really needs to. I want him to experience what I go through 24-7. I already told him that I'm not working every weekend just because it's 'convenient' and just so he'll be able to have my parents or his mom babysit her every night I work. I mean, I don't mind them watching her once in awhile when I work, but Russ needs to learn to take care of her too. So the coming month will be his test, then we'll see how it goes.

So there's my vent for the night. I think I'll head to bed now, being that it IS almost 2am. It's wonderful to know that I can sleep in and not wake up to a crying baby in the morning. I do miss my baby though, but my parents absolutely LOVE having her over there, so who am I to argue? It's nice to have a night to myself once in awhile. Hopefully Russ and I can have a nice relaxing day together...we'll be picking little Aly up in the evening sometime.

Well, that's about all the typing I have the energy for right now...lol. I'll try not to let almost 2 weeks go by before the next post!! Have a good rest of the weekend!

***Here are some pictures of my little princess...she's getting so big! She was 10 pounds 12 ounces on 7/30, so I'm sure she's pushing 13 pounds or so now!***